Thursday

We pray in awkward whispers
against the reredos of white towels
fumbling over nervous feet
held in stumbling hands,
certain of nothing but betrayal,
the cross to come,
and sunset’s pale
inversion in the water

Posted in holy days, poetry, prayer, story | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Silence

A little Lenten story

___________________

There was a rule that we were to enter the assembly hall in silence, but when my friend filed in behind me and whispered, hand to shocked mouth, “I forgot your birthday card!” what could I do but turn and tell her with love, “It’s ok.”

For that, I got detention.

The deputy headmistress, stern and scary, asked me why I was there. “I spoke,” I told her, defiantly. She nodded, not as stern as I had thought, after all.

Last evening, entering silent prayer, someone complimented my dress. I answered, “thank you,” but as quietly and forbiddingly as I politely could.

And my teenaged ghost shook her head at how I had forgotten which rule most matters.

Posted in story | Tagged | Leave a comment

Hosanna – save us!

A sermon for Palm Sunday, 2023


One crowd cried, “Hosanna!” which means, “Save us!”

Another crowd mocked, “Save yourself!”

We are used to thinking of them as the same crowd, moving from one Sunday to the next, but what if they were more like us: divided among themselves, one crying one thing and one another, each with their own ideas of whom should be saved, and how?

Jesus’ answer to both of them was the same: he went to the Cross.

For the children in the crowd, the mothers on whose hips they bounced and balanced, the uncles over whose shoulders they climbed; he went to the Cross for these. He would not teach them war. Though he could call down legions of angels should he choose, he did not choose to wage violence. He told his disciples, “Put back your weapon. Those who take the sword will perish by it.”

My God, how often have we seen it happen? In Parkland, at Columbine, Sandy Hook, Uvalde, down the street in Chardon, at a church school in Nashville …  Our reliance on ever-escalating weapons access is wreaking havoc on our children’s lives, and not on theirs alone. But that is not what he would teach those children, singing hosannas, save us, reaching out for the donkey’s ears and waving their little palms.

He went to the Cross for them, and he went to the Cross for the soldiers on the hill, inured to the pain of their victims and calloused against their cries; for those who thought, “Death will teach them!” For those who mocked and jeered, “Save yourself, why don’t you?” he went to the Cross. For those who will not care to change their ways as long as they keep their own power, he went even to the Cross.

The centurion who believed did so because he could hardly believe what he had seen: that someone so powerful would lay it all down. 

Jesus wanted them all to see that love will not be provoked to despair, nor mercy to revenge. And he prayed for them, for the perpetrators, as we so often fail to do, in case we are reminded of our responsibility for what transpires in our own communities, our own country. 

We are the crowd; we are the people. We are as divided as ever over who should save us, and how they should save us, how we might save ourselves. Jesus’ answer remains the same. Even when we think he must agree with us, follow us – and that’s the hardest part for me, to be honest – instead, and still, he leads the way to the Cross. For us, for our repentance, and for our salvation, he went to the Cross.

Though he could call down legions of angels to sort us out, should he choose, he spoke instead the words of the Psalm, the words of lament, the words of the Psalm that begins in sorrow, My God, my God; the Psalm that ends in dust and ashes, and even there finds hope:

To [the Lord], indeed, shall all who sleep in the earth bow down;
before him shall bow all who go down to the dust,
and I shall live for him.
… proclaim his deliverance to a people yet unborn,
saying that he has done it. (Psalm 22:29,31)

For we are not helpless, nor hopeless. God has saved us, and if we would only look up from our palms to see where Jesus will lead us, in love, in humility, in all mercy, then we would find resurrection. 

It takes courage, though, to face the Passion. Even Jesus had his moment, in the Garden. Are we ready for that, to give up our power and our pride, lay down our hammers, follow in the way of the Saviour, who may be the only way of our salvation, whose path is humility and costly, such costly grace? God alone knows, and God alone strengthens us, by grace, by mercy, in love, to bear it.

Hosanna, Lord Jesus: save us.

Posted in holy days | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Preaching from the shadows

Half-formed thoughts toward preaching the Passion in the shadow of another school shooting:

There are two verses that are screaming at me from the Gospel we will read this Sunday.

One was already troubling, for other reasons: the history of violence that His blood be upon us and on our children has spawned over the centuries casts its own long and dangerous shadow. It has been twisted, twisted into a theology that the body upon the Cross never intended, the body that came for love, was born of love, grew in the knowledge of love. Having loved his own people, he love them to the end (John 13:1, paraphrased and in part).

How can the murder of an innocent man, by some combination of a lynch mob and a complacent, corrupt, cooperative state, be used to justify the murder of others? How can a homicide of envy (the envy of Cain over Abel, of humanity over God since the beginning) be used to justify the oppression of violence? How can the sickening spectacle of the Cross be used to further pain? Yet we have done it.

And now, in a horrible, awful twist, our children’s blood is on our hands. We have surrounded ourselves with violence, and nails are flying, pinning innocents to the Cross.

The other verse, of course, is from the Garden: All who take the sword will perish by the sword.

And here we are, once more, at the entrance to Holy Week, crying out Hosanna, which means, save us, clutching our palms and failing to throw down our AR-15s to be trampled underfoot, forgetting conveniently that those who wielded the wood and metal on Good Friday were not the followers of Jesus, but those who led him out to die.

The sound of mallet on metal
wood and splintered flesh
ricochets around the city walls
shivering the fabric of
the crowd that clothes the alleyways
too often lost in thought and prayers
we fall without an echo
into the open grave

Posted in current events, gun violence, holy days, lectionary reflection, poetry, prayer, sermon preparation | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How I got up this morning

A little Lenten story

Because I thought
I am Lazarus
and you are calling me
out of my stupor
and unbinding
unwinding me
toward you

Posted in poetry, prayer | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Capitalizing on panic

On the stories we tell

______________________

I saw a story in the Washington Post where a man named Kevin Thomas started making pop-up safe rooms for schools – kind of like the panic rooms that became a status symbol in the late last millennium, denoting that the owner had or was something or someone so valuable that they were always under threat of robbery or worse.

It is inarguable that our children (and their teachers, let’s not forget, and aides, and caretakers, and all) are supremely valuable. It is also, unfortunately, inarguable that we find them living, moving, and having their being under the threat of gun violence. Firearms have infamously become the leading cause of death for children and teenagers in America, even as security measures have multiplied along with the guns and the deaths, the injuries and the assaults on the body and soul of families across the country.

The individual who has designed the Rapid Access Safe Room System, who also manufactures easy-up hunting blinds as well as emergency housing shelters, knows that new fortresses are not a solution. Thomas told the Washington Post, “This is a way to buy time until we as a community and a country figure out the bigger, deeper-rooted problems. I hope this thing has to go out of business because we fixed it.”

Yet here it is, launched with legislators and the national press at hand, announcing its ease of use and added peace of mind at $50-60,000 each for a classroom-sized shelter. Although a fraction of the economic activity surrounding the guns themselves, initiatives and products to “harden” schools are a growing business, with spending on security systems for schools already exceeding $3 billion. There is certainly money to be made in marketing security solutions to a safety problem we refuse to address at its roots: roots in rage, violence, even despair, and ease of access to the firepower to turn them into carnage.

After a quick tally of the number of classrooms in any given school, let alone school district, it is easy, if cynical, to wonder whom these panic rooms will protect; whether they will remain within reach only of districts that can afford to accommodate their fear, rather than stuffing it down with their cheap morning coffee and hoping that it stays buried.

“I don’t control things at the lawmaking and legislative levels,” Thomas is quoted as saying in the Washington Post story. “So I was like, ‘Well, what can I do?’ Yet he did meet with lawmakers and community leaders to move the panic room pilot project into schools.

“We can’t depend on the government,” the inventor of the shelters told the Washington Post.

On the other hand, he told AL.com that, “We want to get this implemented legislatively. Ultimately, the goal is to have these be just like fire suppression systems.” That is, encoded into our national life, just as gun violence is becoming engraved upon our daily awareness.

I admit, I am aggrieved that we are in a place where these panic rooms seem like a decent idea, or at least a good story, for those who can afford them, and those who can afford to maintain them, and those who can afford to make space for them, in their classrooms, in their minds, in the pits of their stomachs.

I think that Thomas’ question, “Well, what can I do?” is the right one.

And I think that with a little ingenuity, a little legislative leverage, a lot less profit, and a more prophetic vision, we can do better than to spread panic rooms among our children’s schools.

________________

One Episcopal bishop was part of her child’s school’s lockdown during an active shooting situation this week. Her video reflection is here: https://fb.watch/jsDmnHeSlT/

Posted in current events, gun violence, story | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Broken

A very, very little Lenten story


Yesterday, I broke a clergy collar trying to fix it around my neck.

I am trying hard not to make too much meaning of it.

Posted in story | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment

Afterwards

It was the following day that sealed it for him

waking with the rooster an hour before dawn

the darkness of the room

unfamiliar

tangled in bedsheets he shivered still

straining his hope to conjure up that sun

light and heat that struck through rock

and wrappings yesterday

remembering that voice praying

softly now among the lilies


Year A Lent 5

Posted in lectionary reflection, poetry, prayer, sermon preparation, story | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Seeing, seen

A sermon for Year A Lent 4, John 9


On Ash Wednesday, to make my confession, I changed a few words when I read aloud our Litany of Penitence. Specifically, I confessed that we had averted our eyes from human need and suffering, rather than repenting of our blindness; and I confessed that we had refused to listen to God’s call to serve as Christ has served us, instead of confessing that we had been deaf.

I suppose I was taking something of a liberty, but I take some comfort from Jesus’ assertion at the very end of this gospel reading that it is no sin to be blind; just as at the beginning of the story, he rebukes his disciples’ assumption that someone must have sinned for the man that he healed to have been born blind.

(As always here, I have to note that the translators made some choices. Jesus said that “this happened” so that God’s power might be revealed. “This” could have been the meeting, the disciples’ question; the translators we heard this morning decided that it meant the man’s congenital blindness. But for those who may well find that idea disturbing, it is not, by far, the only interpretation of Jesus’ response.)

No, says Jesus, but now you will see God’s power working in him.

I changed the words on Ash Wednesday because they have a tendency otherwise to perpetuate the disciples’ (ableist) mistake: to assume that if someone is disabled there is, to put it crudely, something wrong with them, or that if someone is unfortunate, someone must have done something to deserve it, or that, to push the analogy a whole lot further and into another realm, if someone is oppressed, reviled, or subjected to state-sponsored violence, it must be their own fault. The Passion and the Cross, if nothing less, are a repudiation of that, and yet it’s a lesson that we’re still struggling to learn.

The antagonists in this story – some of the Pharisees, some of the Jewish leaders (notice, their opinion is divided; we can’t paint them all with the same brush. Again, assumptions will tend to cloud our spiritual vision) – anyway, the antagonists are the ones who refuse to accept the man’s healing. They either insist that it can’t be the same man, or they insist that the healing cannot have happened at the hands of Jesus, or they pitch a tantrum, throw the man out of their community, so that they can try to pretend that none of this happened, and that their little system for deciding who is respectable and who is less than can remain undisturbed.

Jesus is nothing if not disturbing to neat little systems, social stratifications, and self-justifications.

Jesus disturbs the people who say, “I had to pay my dues, why should they get loan forgiveness?” instead of celebrating the jubilee. 

Jesus disturbs the people who say people who use benefits don’t deserve a break.

Jesus disturbs the people who say if you help an unhoused person on the street they’ll only waste the assistance, as though we always and only ever spend our money on bread and vegetables.

Jesus disturbs the people who say, “She should have fought back,” or, “He shouldn’t have resisted,” or “Crucify them.”

But Jesus doesn’t only challenge the meanness of the people who refuse to celebrate that a man they have known forever is suddenly given his sight, the envy of those who would rather see him stay behind his begging bowl than give thanks to God for sending such healing. 

No, Jesus also corrects and rebukes his disciples, who are as contaminated as the next man by the lazy and privileged assumptions of that and every age that inequality, inequity, and injustices are God-sent, rather than the product of our envy, fear, and pride.

But God doesn’t see as we see, as the Lord tells Samuel; we look upon the externals, while God sees the heart of the matter: that this man was as deserving of mercy and miracle as anyone else on this earth, and that no one could stop Jesus from loving him enough to change his life.

Jesus heals the man, who is nobody’s underdog, who gives as good as he gets to his elders and, as they see it, his betters. And the man refuses to deny who he is, nor who healed him, even though it gets him thrown out of polite society. And when polite society has rejected him, then Jesus comes back to find him once more, and now, he humbles himself before the Son of Man, and worships him.

This is how we bring people to Jesus: not by judging them, or evaluating their worthiness, or making assumptions about how they got to where they are, or who they are, but by recognizing them, seeing them, hearing them tell their own story, and loving them for it.

Because that is what Jesus does for us. He rebukes his disciples for their, pardon my ableist language one more time, short-sightedness, but he doesn’t dismiss them. It is no sin to be blind, but it is sinful willfully to avert our eyes from injustice, to pretend to see no evil, to blur out the blemishes that spoil our vision of our own lives, our own country, our own souls. “You who say you see, your sin remains,” he warns us, we who have seen the light, who have been awoken. 

And yet he carries our sin to the Cross, and crucifies it there, and buries it in the tomb. Having loved his own, he loved them to the end. We will see the resurrection, but our sin will not.

Because Jesus is the one who truly sees us, begging in the shadows for mercy: 

10 Hide your face from my sins * and blot out all my iniquities.
11 Create in me a clean heart, O God, * and renew a right spirit within me.
18 The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit; * 
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51)

Posted in lectionary reflection, sermon | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Secret

Today’s little Lenten story
is a secret
so I can’t tell it to you,
but you can whisper it
so that only your body
and your breath
and God
and the cat
can hear it.

Posted in poetry, prayer | Tagged , , | Leave a comment