A special place

To celebrate the day of its harrowing, and because the phrase came up again just the other day …


No, there should not be 
a special place in hell. 
Isn’t hell itself, 
after all, 
superlative?
As such, 
to disappoint Dante,
it should have no layers,
no geological strata 
of special and ordinary places; 
otherwise
hell might as well be 
on earth as in eternity.

Which brings us, neatly,
to the spiritual,
if you will, 
in which 
we should not be 
hoping or praying,
creating in our minds carved-out 
corners for the torment of sinners
we like the least, 
but wringing our hearts 
for their conversion, 
burning our souls’ midnight oil 
for their redemption, 
pitching our forks into manure,
and piling on the stench of mercy.

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Good Friday

The cross is a mirror. 
It shows us what we are not, 
as well as what we are; 
the embodiment of God, 
the epitome of humanity: 
images mundane and immortal 
in one body.
The cross is a mirror. 

The cross is a mirror.  
The hammer falls 
and innocent flesh is torn 
and cannot be pieced back together; 
we see it in the reflective 
surfaces of tv screens 
and mobile devices 
screaming murder; 
in blurry tears; we 
can no longer tell apart 
war movies from the news. 
The cross is our mirror. 

The cross is our mirror:
the mockers and the mourners, 
beloveds and betrayers, 
little despots and disciples of despair; 
humanity at breaking point. 
God breaks down
and weeps with us:
Your sins cover me 
with purple
and scarlet 
and thorns. Why 
have you forsaken me, 
and are so far from me?
The cross is God’s mirror. 

The cross is God’s mirror, 
love laid out like a specimen 
laid open for all to see, 
the love of God for creation, 
bleeding into the tree,
spilling inane forgiveness 
like water over
a mostly insensate crowd.
The cross is a mirror.

The cross is a mirror. 
As we kneel before it, 
transfixed at least by our own
sinful glory, 
if not by the mystery of mercy, 
the enormity of grace, 
even to us, 
deep within its background 
graves are opening, 
saints emerging, wondering 
who it is has called them out, 
and what they might do 
next. 
The cross is their mirror.

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Maundy Thursday message

During our Lenten book study, I was struck by a passing phrase from the Revd Mark Bozzuti-Jones, who wrote in a reflection, “Anybody who has broken bread with others in good faith knows that betrayal sits at the table of fellowship.”[i]

My God. I told the gathered group that no doubt this chilling sentiment would make its return during my Maundy Thursday sermon. But here we are, and I am still turning it over in my mind and my spirit, wondering whether it is true, and what it means.

I suppose I grew up with a heart for the tragic, and that must include Judas Iscariot, surely. Here is a man who was as close as anyone to Jesus, who followed him, served him, was loved by him. On that night, at supper, Jesus washed Judas’ feet, and Judas let him.

Later, Judas would come so deeply to regret, to be so horrified at what he had done, what he had accomplished by his betrayal, that he could not live with it. Yet because he was not there, because he could not follow, because he would not see his betrayal through, he missed Jesus’ words from the cross, “Father, forgive them!” He forgot Jesus’ words to him, “Friend, do what you are here to do.” Judas was tempted by the devil to betray not only Jesus, but his own sense of hope, of mercy, of God.

I remember being taught as a young student that the essential element of tragedy is that it didn’t have to turn out this way. Judas didn’t have to betray Jesus, it’s true, but the writing was already on the arrest warrant: I don’t think that his hesitation would have averted the crucifixion. It would have lessened the suffocating weight of his conscience, but here is the tragedy: so would believing all that Jesus had come to teach him: the forgiveness of sins, the mercy of God, the everlasting plan of salvation.

This, for me, was the tragedy of Judas: that he couldn’t see how much God loved him, even when God was right in front of him, washing his feet.

Whenever we sit down at the table, the betrayer is close at hand: not Judas, but that whispering devil that tries to distract us from the love of God, that tries to detract from the salvation that Christ has offered us. That devil makes us betray one another, by undermining our confidence in the enduring love of God, the want of courage to trust that there is enough mercy to go around, the divisions that are sown between us, and the distrust that they nurture. So we betray the sons and daughters of God, condemning our neighbours for their culture or their colour or their class, for their gender or their generosity. We betray our own faith in Jesus.

That devil whispered to Peter not to allow Jesus to love him so much, to humble himself so far as to wash his feet. That devil that twisted Judas and hung him out to dry. The devil that tells us that we are too far gone, or that the world is beyond saving, or that we are unforgiven, that makes us unforgiving.

And still, and yet, Jesus kneels at the feet of Judas, and takes his flesh in his hands, and cleanses it tenderly. And still, and yet, Jesus sits at table with us, betrayals and all, and welcomes us to his salvation, if we will have the humility and the hope to receive it.


[i] Mark Bozzuti-Jones, Face to the Rising Sun: Reflections on Spirituals and Justice (Forward Movement, 2021), 32

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Triduum

This morning, I took a moment to make my preparations for the days and nights that are surely coming soon: Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, the quiet tomb of Saturday, Easter Sunday.

I baked bread for this evening’s service. I love the stage at the beginning when the yeast is just beginning to come to life, a foretaste of the rising to come.

Then, while the dough was doing its thing, I went out to the forge, made one more cross out of gun barrels.

I can’t think of a better time to be recommitting to this work than Holy Week, when we once used wood and metal to crucify the author of life.

Yesterday, a group of us prayed the Stations of the Cross at church, and we met the women of Jerusalem, “who bewailed and lamented him”

But Jesus turning to them said, “Daughters of Jerusalem, do not weep for me, but weep for yourselves and for your children.”

And we prayed,

Teach your Church, O Lord, to mourn the sins of which it is guilty, and to repent and forsake them; that, by your pardoning grace, the results of our iniquities may not be visited upon our children and our children’s children; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

We met his afflicted mother, reading,

Vast as the sea is your ruin. Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. The Lord will be your everlasting light, and your days of mourning shall be ended.
A sword will pierce your own soul also: And fill your heart with bitter pain
.

and my mind was flooded with those images from the news feeds outside schools and reunification centres; the twisted faces of mothers who would never be the same again.

Teach us to mourn our sins, to repent and forsake them, that the results of them may not be visited upon our children and their mothers.

And yet, the closer we came to Christ’s death on the Cross, and the quiet tomb, the louder the whispers of resurrection.

Death would not defeat God. Death would not be permitted to have the final word. The Word of God, the author of life, had other plans for the Cross, and we no longer fear it.

How we get from here to there with gun violence is fraught, but I am convinced that the way of the Cross is our roadmap, and that the Prince of Peace is our leader.

It is past time, one way or another, for us to repent of our employment of metal and wood to mar the life that God has freely given to us and to all of God’s children, all who are made in the image of God. Whether that looks like an individual change of heart and priorities, or a petition to the legislature to help us to rein in the proliferation of deadly weaponry in our communities, or interventions and support to turn aside the intentions of one who would harm themselves, or another, there is never nothing that we can do. With God, nothing will be impossible.

When we pray for an end to gun violence, for an end to school shootings, for a reversal of the trend that has made injuries from firearms the leading cause of death for America’s children and teenagers, may we turn toward the Cross.

As we take Christ’s body in our hands tonight, may we learn from Jesus’ embodiment of the prayers he had for his people.

May we, however hard it is, however long it takes, however heavy the stone across the tombs, the massed and multiplying graves of our people; may we find with him our resurrection.

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Thursday

We pray in awkward whispers
against the reredos of white towels
fumbling over nervous feet
held in stumbling hands,
certain of nothing but betrayal,
the cross to come,
and sunset’s pale
inversion in the water

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Silence

A little Lenten story

___________________

There was a rule that we were to enter the assembly hall in silence, but when my friend filed in behind me and whispered, hand to shocked mouth, “I forgot your birthday card!” what could I do but turn and tell her with love, “It’s ok.”

For that, I got detention.

The deputy headmistress, stern and scary, asked me why I was there. “I spoke,” I told her, defiantly. She nodded, not as stern as I had thought, after all.

Last evening, entering silent prayer, someone complimented my dress. I answered, “thank you,” but as quietly and forbiddingly as I politely could.

And my teenaged ghost shook her head at how I had forgotten which rule most matters.

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Hosanna – save us!

A sermon for Palm Sunday, 2023


One crowd cried, “Hosanna!” which means, “Save us!”

Another crowd mocked, “Save yourself!”

We are used to thinking of them as the same crowd, moving from one Sunday to the next, but what if they were more like us: divided among themselves, one crying one thing and one another, each with their own ideas of whom should be saved, and how?

Jesus’ answer to both of them was the same: he went to the Cross.

For the children in the crowd, the mothers on whose hips they bounced and balanced, the uncles over whose shoulders they climbed; he went to the Cross for these. He would not teach them war. Though he could call down legions of angels should he choose, he did not choose to wage violence. He told his disciples, “Put back your weapon. Those who take the sword will perish by it.”

My God, how often have we seen it happen? In Parkland, at Columbine, Sandy Hook, Uvalde, down the street in Chardon, at a church school in Nashville …  Our reliance on ever-escalating weapons access is wreaking havoc on our children’s lives, and not on theirs alone. But that is not what he would teach those children, singing hosannas, save us, reaching out for the donkey’s ears and waving their little palms.

He went to the Cross for them, and he went to the Cross for the soldiers on the hill, inured to the pain of their victims and calloused against their cries; for those who thought, “Death will teach them!” For those who mocked and jeered, “Save yourself, why don’t you?” he went to the Cross. For those who will not care to change their ways as long as they keep their own power, he went even to the Cross.

The centurion who believed did so because he could hardly believe what he had seen: that someone so powerful would lay it all down. 

Jesus wanted them all to see that love will not be provoked to despair, nor mercy to revenge. And he prayed for them, for the perpetrators, as we so often fail to do, in case we are reminded of our responsibility for what transpires in our own communities, our own country. 

We are the crowd; we are the people. We are as divided as ever over who should save us, and how they should save us, how we might save ourselves. Jesus’ answer remains the same. Even when we think he must agree with us, follow us – and that’s the hardest part for me, to be honest – instead, and still, he leads the way to the Cross. For us, for our repentance, and for our salvation, he went to the Cross.

Though he could call down legions of angels to sort us out, should he choose, he spoke instead the words of the Psalm, the words of lament, the words of the Psalm that begins in sorrow, My God, my God; the Psalm that ends in dust and ashes, and even there finds hope:

To [the Lord], indeed, shall all who sleep in the earth bow down;
before him shall bow all who go down to the dust,
and I shall live for him.
… proclaim his deliverance to a people yet unborn,
saying that he has done it. (Psalm 22:29,31)

For we are not helpless, nor hopeless. God has saved us, and if we would only look up from our palms to see where Jesus will lead us, in love, in humility, in all mercy, then we would find resurrection. 

It takes courage, though, to face the Passion. Even Jesus had his moment, in the Garden. Are we ready for that, to give up our power and our pride, lay down our hammers, follow in the way of the Saviour, who may be the only way of our salvation, whose path is humility and costly, such costly grace? God alone knows, and God alone strengthens us, by grace, by mercy, in love, to bear it.

Hosanna, Lord Jesus: save us.

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Preaching from the shadows

Half-formed thoughts toward preaching the Passion in the shadow of another school shooting:

There are two verses that are screaming at me from the Gospel we will read this Sunday.

One was already troubling, for other reasons: the history of violence that His blood be upon us and on our children has spawned over the centuries casts its own long and dangerous shadow. It has been twisted, twisted into a theology that the body upon the Cross never intended, the body that came for love, was born of love, grew in the knowledge of love. Having loved his own people, he love them to the end (John 13:1, paraphrased and in part).

How can the murder of an innocent man, by some combination of a lynch mob and a complacent, corrupt, cooperative state, be used to justify the murder of others? How can a homicide of envy (the envy of Cain over Abel, of humanity over God since the beginning) be used to justify the oppression of violence? How can the sickening spectacle of the Cross be used to further pain? Yet we have done it.

And now, in a horrible, awful twist, our children’s blood is on our hands. We have surrounded ourselves with violence, and nails are flying, pinning innocents to the Cross.

The other verse, of course, is from the Garden: All who take the sword will perish by the sword.

And here we are, once more, at the entrance to Holy Week, crying out Hosanna, which means, save us, clutching our palms and failing to throw down our AR-15s to be trampled underfoot, forgetting conveniently that those who wielded the wood and metal on Good Friday were not the followers of Jesus, but those who led him out to die.

The sound of mallet on metal
wood and splintered flesh
ricochets around the city walls
shivering the fabric of
the crowd that clothes the alleyways
too often lost in thought and prayers
we fall without an echo
into the open grave

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How I got up this morning

A little Lenten story

Because I thought
I am Lazarus
and you are calling me
out of my stupor
and unbinding
unwinding me
toward you

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Capitalizing on panic

On the stories we tell

______________________

I saw a story in the Washington Post where a man named Kevin Thomas started making pop-up safe rooms for schools – kind of like the panic rooms that became a status symbol in the late last millennium, denoting that the owner had or was something or someone so valuable that they were always under threat of robbery or worse.

It is inarguable that our children (and their teachers, let’s not forget, and aides, and caretakers, and all) are supremely valuable. It is also, unfortunately, inarguable that we find them living, moving, and having their being under the threat of gun violence. Firearms have infamously become the leading cause of death for children and teenagers in America, even as security measures have multiplied along with the guns and the deaths, the injuries and the assaults on the body and soul of families across the country.

The individual who has designed the Rapid Access Safe Room System, who also manufactures easy-up hunting blinds as well as emergency housing shelters, knows that new fortresses are not a solution. Thomas told the Washington Post, “This is a way to buy time until we as a community and a country figure out the bigger, deeper-rooted problems. I hope this thing has to go out of business because we fixed it.”

Yet here it is, launched with legislators and the national press at hand, announcing its ease of use and added peace of mind at $50-60,000 each for a classroom-sized shelter. Although a fraction of the economic activity surrounding the guns themselves, initiatives and products to “harden” schools are a growing business, with spending on security systems for schools already exceeding $3 billion. There is certainly money to be made in marketing security solutions to a safety problem we refuse to address at its roots: roots in rage, violence, even despair, and ease of access to the firepower to turn them into carnage.

After a quick tally of the number of classrooms in any given school, let alone school district, it is easy, if cynical, to wonder whom these panic rooms will protect; whether they will remain within reach only of districts that can afford to accommodate their fear, rather than stuffing it down with their cheap morning coffee and hoping that it stays buried.

“I don’t control things at the lawmaking and legislative levels,” Thomas is quoted as saying in the Washington Post story. “So I was like, ‘Well, what can I do?’ Yet he did meet with lawmakers and community leaders to move the panic room pilot project into schools.

“We can’t depend on the government,” the inventor of the shelters told the Washington Post.

On the other hand, he told AL.com that, “We want to get this implemented legislatively. Ultimately, the goal is to have these be just like fire suppression systems.” That is, encoded into our national life, just as gun violence is becoming engraved upon our daily awareness.

I admit, I am aggrieved that we are in a place where these panic rooms seem like a decent idea, or at least a good story, for those who can afford them, and those who can afford to maintain them, and those who can afford to make space for them, in their classrooms, in their minds, in the pits of their stomachs.

I think that Thomas’ question, “Well, what can I do?” is the right one.

And I think that with a little ingenuity, a little legislative leverage, a lot less profit, and a more prophetic vision, we can do better than to spread panic rooms among our children’s schools.

________________

One Episcopal bishop was part of her child’s school’s lockdown during an active shooting situation this week. Her video reflection is here: https://fb.watch/jsDmnHeSlT/

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