End of summer

The softest of rain
makes nervous puddles shudder;
what will fall down next?

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Green stuff

The latest project – a green, “green” stole, knit out of recycled t-shirts – the ones too ripped, stained, shapeless to donate.
Linen stitch makes a flat stole with straight edges. Dividing each t-shirt strip (you cut them in a spiral, like peeling an apple in one strip) in two makes it (more or less) symmetrical.
Cool for campus ministry, summer services in the great outdoors where everyone who’s anyone is wearing a t-shirt, and any venue that appreciates reusing, recycling, and creativity.
Finished photos coming soon!

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The state we’re in

In the centre, in the distance is the Empire State Building, disappearing into the fog and the smog, obscured by …

Prayers today for those harmed, hurt, frightened by the continuing gun violence of our country.

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Year B Proper 16: gateway evils

Weekly lectionary groups are great. I recommend them. This week, we meandered around the readings with all of the purpose and direction of a fog, but we did have a few moments where we got high enough to break through the clouds and see the sun.
We found a spot in the Ephesians reading warm enough to sit awhile and take in the view. We were wondering just what we were arming ourselves against with all these holy helmets and righteous breastplates. “Forces of evil”? What does that mean in our world, our culture, our context?
We can look to the news and name evils that we see and hear about: murder, war, rape, hate, the myriad meannesses to which we subject one another. Are we protecting ourselves from their effects? Or from their commission?
Most of us would not qualify ourselves as evil-doers, and fair enough. We are sinners, we might confess, but we do not rise to the ranks of evil, surely. Still, as mighty oak trees start from little acorns, do wretched evils – personal or societal – in fact grow out of little gateway evils? The minor malfeasances that we commit regularly and reliably, without even a gobbet of guilt (perhaps a glint, but that’s about it).
The little white lies, the minor cheats, the curses and gestures at those who drive less well than we do, the angry shrugged off words which we visit on our lovers after a frustrating day. The moments, gestures, habits which betray our sloth, gluttony, conceit, deceit, selfishness and envy.
I heard a while ago (and if I find put where, I’ll post it) that studies show that we tend to let our consciences drift off course, adjusting not to trim them back to true, but to justify their diversions. The further we let them wander away from the straight and narrow, the more we rationalize out wanderings, the further we get from the truth, the more dangerous territory we skirt, flirting with those gateways into murkier and deeper evil.
That’s why, they said (the studiers), so many religions and philosophies have a ritual of resetting our consciences, restoring them to the true, which can only happen when we admit how far off course they’ve fallen.
We call it Confession and Absolution. On a daily basis, the Examination can help us restore our honesty with ourselves, slough off the excuses, stave off the dangers presented by the gateway evils.
“Pray,” says Paul.
So the counterpart of putting on, daily, religiously, the armour of God, is examining it each night, before hanging it in the closet, for rust and loose rivets, dirt and grime, grease stains and shiny, worn patches. And fix them.
How? you ask.
“Pray,” says Paul.
So that little evils do not grow into mighty, deviant oaks with roots that upheave the earth and our homes, and shadows that blight the landscape and stunt the food crops, shut out the sunlight.
So much for our moment in the sun at the summit of Mount Ephesians.

Update: I haven’t found the exact story that I heard about our wayward consciences, but I have a hunch that it’s related to a recent spate of interviews on NPR with Dan Ariely about his book, The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty: Why We Lie to Everyone – Especially Ourselves (see, for example, http://m.npr.org/news/front/154287476 ). I guess I’ll have to read the book to find out for sure 🙂

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Saturday, August 18th, St Andrew’s Episcopal Church, Elyria, Ohio

“The Jews disputed among themselves, saying, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?’”

Often in John’s Gospel, when the Jews do not understand what Jesus is trying to tell them, or they object to the way that he speaks of himself, of God, of their shared history, we get the distinct impression that the author would like us to disapprove of their ignorance, obstinacy or indifference. Not this time: here, we feel quite sympathetic to them. They are thoroughly bewildered by Jesus’ statement that the bread of life that he has been talking about for the past few Sundays; the bread which is better than manna in the wilderness, more sustaining than that which sustained Moses and his people in the desert, the bread of life is none other than his own flesh, his own body.

And when the Jews dispute among themselves, arguing over what he could possibly mean, instead of explaining himself, Jesus adds blood to the equation, and to their confusion: “Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you have no life in you.”

Here’s a fun fact about the Gospel according to John: in John’s Gospel, there is no institution of Holy Communion by way of the Last Supper. Not like there is in the other gospels. There is a meal that Jesus shares with his disciples right before his arrest, and there is talk of betrayal and there is bread, but instead of blessing it, and breaking it, and giving it to his disciples, teaching them and us to forever associate bread and wine with the body and blood of Christ, with his memory, with his commandments, with his presence; instead, in this gospel, the only one with whom Jesus explicitly shares his bread is Judas.

Is that shocking? John tells the story that he has been given to share differently from the others. It doesn’t mean that he is more right or wrong than they are: only that his focus is on different things. For John, the institution of the Eucharist comes not only out of that last supper, but out of every meal that Jesus shared with his followers, and especially important to John is the feeding of the thousands, which is where all this talk of bread started; a meal which was shared with a multitude, where there was enough for everyone; a meal which, at the end of the day, even Judas was invited to.

Because whatever the disputing Jews worked out about what Jesus meant by eating his flesh and drinking his blood, it is quite clear to us, looking back through the lens of history and the church, that he is talking about Holy Communion.

“Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood abide in me, and I in them,” says Jesus. We are joined together intimately, indissolubly, when we come together in Communion with Christ. We are invited into a relationship closer than table companions, closer than marriage, as close as one heartbeat is to another, one heartbeat and another from the same heart, in the same body, sharing the same life. We are invited into the life of God, the life that does not die, the bread that does not perish or go stale.

Like the Jews, we might ask, “How does that work? How can it work?”

Because as faithful as we might be in receiving the sacraments, in prayer, in trying to do our part to live into that consummation, that relationship with God, there are times when we do feel stale, when we do feel a little dead, when we fail to feel alive. There are times, when we are lost in grief, or worried about our families or our friends or our finances; when we are consumed by need or want – there are times when there doesn’t seem to be room for this bread, this life, something as huge as the life of God in our lives.

“How can this man give us his flesh to eat?” How can God be everything to us that God has promised? How does it work?

I’ll be honest: I don’t really know. I don’t know exactly how God plans on fulfilling God’s promises to us. I don’t know exactly how the mystery of the Eucharist works. I believe – I know – that it is a means of God’s grace to us, not only a sign and symbol but a real and living working of God’s presence with us and within us. I know this because I have experienced it; because when I do not receive it for a while, I go hungry, and when I do receive it, I am fed, sufficiently. It is not only eternal life bread, it is daily bread, bread for keeping one foot in front of the other. Bread for life as well as bread of life.

One of the mysteries of God is that as well as being the most expansive and all-encompassing thing, being, we can imagine – beyond our imaginations, filling time and space and beyond – God is also present in the smallest grain of a crumb of bread, in the smallest corners of our lives, the parts that are so small and deeply hidden that we barely notice them ourselves. God, who alone is holy, is also present in the most mundane areas of our lives – in our bodies, in our appetites.

There is a notion in scientific explanations of the way in which the world came into being called “the Goldilocks principle;” the recognition that this planet is so situated and composed as to be ideal for the evolution of life; it was not too hot, not too cold, but just right, as the old story goes. God is involved in the minute measurements which cause a world to develop and sustain life, which if they were marginally different, would not exist. God is involved in the details of our souls which cause them to be able to enter into eternal life, to share in the life of God. We might never get to the bottom of understanding all the details of how and why; our selves are sometimes as mysterious to us as the Big Bang or life on Mars – although we have the ability always to learn more. But God knows every detail, intimately.

Part of the need to understand how it all works is our need to feel in control. It’s almost as though we don’t trust God to get it right unless we’ve looked over the plans and approved them. In fact, our need to believe that there is a plan, a detailed, step-by-step instruction manual for our own lives, is based in our need for control. But we have free will in our lives. We are not walking through a digitally programmed game, avatars on a screen with an unseen player directing our every move. We have the wherewithal to make choices, to come and join the feast around Jesus, or to walk away, worried that there won’t be enough bread to go around, accidentally missing out. It’s an awesome responsibility, and an amazing opportunity. We have the ability to leave the table and alert the authorities to the presence of Jesus the rebel in Jerusalem. We have the invitation to stay, to be with him through the most amazing events that any of us could ever witness. We have the resources to invite others to share in the food for the journey, the food for life that Christ shares with us, and there is enough for everyone, for thousands of people; for the people who arrive two thousand years late to the party; even for Judas.

Solomon, the king renowned for his wisdom, didn’t ask to know exactly how everything would work or work out. He asked for the wisdom to know right from wrong, to put one foot in front of the other in confidence that he was walking with God, and leading his people in the direction that brought them closer to God. And God said that it was good.

I’m certainly not advocating ignorance, nor am I suggesting that faith is or should be blind. But I am, I think, suggesting that true wisdom involves seeking God first, seeking first the life of God which God shares with us; walking with God before working out exactly what shape that walk will take. Because God will help us work that out.

And a most profound way that God has given us to walk with God, to work out a way forward in the footsteps of Jesus, is to command that we regularly and together celebrate the life of God as Jesus Christ, the life of God among us, with us, as one of us, in Holy Communion. That we remember, regularly, bodily, and together, that God became flesh and blood, like us, in order to redeem us, to restore us to the life God intended for us, one closer to God than our own heartbeats to our own hearts.

God has given us a way to hold on, literally to hold on, to that promise of life, the life of God that Jesus offers.

So how does it work? How can this man, this God, give us his flesh to eat?

One of the greatest Anglican theologians of the Reformation said this,

“Let it there be sufficient for me presenting myself at the Lord’s table to know what there I receive from him, without searching or inquiring of the manner how Christ performeth his promise; let disputes and questions, enemies to piety, abatements of true devotions, … let them take their rest … what these elements are in themselves it skilleth not, it is enough that to me which take them they are the body and blood of Christ, his promise in witness hereof sufficeth, his word he knoweth which way to accomplish; why should any cogitation possess the mind of a faithful communicant but this, O my God, thou art true, O my soul thou art happy?”*

In other words, let it be sufficient to know that Christ has promised us his life, his body and blood and his eternal life, and receive it with happy gratitude.

Amen.

Richard Hooker, in Love’s Redeeming Work: The Anglican Quest for Holiness, compiled by Geoffrey Rowell, Kenneth Stevenson and Rowan Williams (Oxford University Press, 2001), 171-2

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Hannah, holding on

Hannah had promised the Lord of hosts that if God would give her a son, then she would give her son back to God all the days of his life, “and the Lord remembered her, and in due time, Hannah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Samuel, for she said, ‘I have asked him of the Lord.'”
When her husband went up to the Shiloh to offer his annual sacrifice, and all his household with him, Hannah would not go. She said, “I will go when I have weaned him.” She would not go back to Shiloh, into the presence of God, until she had had her fill of him, until she was good and ready.
She told God, “You gave him to me. He is yours; but he is also mine. You will have him all the days of his life; but for now, he is mine, and I am keeping him to myself. For now, I am holding him. For now, I am holding on to him,” because mothers will talk to God that way (God seems to understand).
When he was weaned, although he was still very young, she brought him back to Shiloh, and handed him over to the priest, although even then, she told him, “I have lent him to the Lord; as long as he lives, he is lent to the Lord,” shared, not given, because that’s how mothers talk to God, and God seems to understand.
Every year after that, when they went up for the sacrifice, Hannah would bring Samuel a robe that she had made for him. She would guess how much he had grown, how he had changed, and stitch everything that she had missed about him into his new coat, so that when she saw him, it would not be too much of a shock, there would not be too much sadness to spoil the joy of seeing her firstborn once more.
And the boy Samuel continued to grow both in stature and in popularity, and in favour with God. (I Samuel 1-2)

Hannah let him go, let him grow, piece by piece, first her body releasing his, then her breasts, then her arms, then her needle-pricked fingertips, never her heart and soul. And Hannah would continue to pray for him, to wrestle with God over him, because a mother will do that, and God seems to get it.

Tomorrow, my eldest daughter leaves for college for the first time, and I will hug her and let her go, knowing that she will grow in stature and in favour with God and her companions on the way, because she is beloved and loving and good and wise and her own true self, and she was asked for of God, and she is given by God.

And I will pray for her, and I will wrestle with God over her, and I will cry, even though I’m glad for her and proud of her, because that’s just how it goes. And I am not very good at sewing new coats, but I will find something to bring her, when I make my next pilgrimage to the place where she is going.

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Year B Proper 15: some food for thought

“The Jews then disputed among themselves, ‘How can this man give us his flesh to eat?'” (John 6:52)

Well, one can hardly blame them. In search of some answers, I came across these pearls of wisdom, which I offer for your own sermon fodder and food for thought:

The Holy Communion

O gratious Lord, how shal I know
Whether in these gifts thou bee so
As thou art evry-where; …

ffirst I am sure, whether bread stay
Or whether Bread doe fly away
Concerneth bread, not mee.
But that both thou and all thy traine
Bee there, to thy truth, and my gaine,
Concerneth mee and Thee. …

I could beleeue an Impanation
At the rate of an Incarnation,
If thou hadst dyde for Bread. …

That fflesh is there, mine eyes deny:
And what shold flesh but flesh discry,
The noblest sence of five? …

Into my soule this cannot pass:
fflesh (though exalted) keeps his grass
And cannot turn to soule.
Bodyes and Minds are different Spheres,
Nor can they change their bounds and meres,
But keep a constant Pole.

This gift of all gifts is the best,
Thy flesh the least that I request.
Thou took’st that pledg from mee:
Give me not that I had before,
Or give mee that, so I have more;
My God, give mee all Thee.

George Herbert*

And this, which might almost be a commentary on it:
“Let it there be sufficient for me presenting myself at the Lord’s table to know what there I receive from him, without searching or inquiring of the manner how Christ performeth his promise; let disputes and questions, enemies to piety, abatements of true devotions, … let them take their rest … what these elements are in themselves it skilleth not, it is enough that to me which take them they are the body and blood of Christ, his promise in witness hereof sufficeth, his word he knoweth which way to accomplish; why should any cogitation possess the mind of a faithful communicant but this, O my God, thou art true, O my soul thou art happy?”

Richard Hooker**

*Quoted from Love’s Redeeming Work: The Anglican Quest for Holiness, compiled by Geoffrey Rowell, Kenneth Stevenson and Rowan Williams (Oxford University Press, 2001), 171-2

** Quoted from Glorious Companions: Five Centuries of Anglican SPirituality, Richard Schmidt (Wm B. Eerdmans, 2002),31

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Bread of life recipe

Flour (an offering of the fine stuff)
Yeast (use sparingly: a little leavens the whole loaf)
Water (living brand preferred)
Salt (make sure it has not lost its saltiness)

Need. Rest. Need again. Rest again. Come unto me all ye who need rest and refreshment.
Eat.

.

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How I learned to write poems

She had a tortoiseshell called Puddles
who wandered in one day and never left;
he watched us deal in words and cookies
across the kitchen table.

Her husband began to tremble when he walked,
and one night my father found them
huddled together like frightened children,
crying, “Old age is wretched,”

But I was away when my father found her,
cleaned the carpet, called her sister,
fed the cat and washed his hands
by the harsh blue light;

I wasn’t there, so all I remember
is the sun streaming over the kitchen table
into the corners of the breakfast nook,
while she told me the stories of rhythm and ryhme.

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Once upon a time

“Once upon a time …” The telling of stories is as old as childhood, and as perennial. But why? What purpose does it serve to play out fantasies and memories, wish-fulfillment and nightmares, tragedy and romance, comedy and satire in theatrical and literary form? Why do we do it? Why do people of faith persist in it, even ritualizing it, arranging for it on a regular basis?

Because it lets us know, each of us, that whatever we can imagine, wish, wish away, fear or survive, it has been the experience of at least one other story-teller, in reality or in a dream – and the world kept turning.

Whatever dilemmas or denouements, tragedies or triumphs, bewilderments or breakthroughs we encounter, we are not alone. We are not cast out of human company. We are embraced by the stories of those whose imaginations, experience, whose words have gone before, once upon a time.

Even God has been there, once upon a time, once within a womb, once upon a desert land, with friends and bread and wine; once upon a cross, once within a tomb, once more upon a mountaintop…

To tell our stories is an act of love, of tenderness to those who need to hear that they are not alone.

Once upon a time…

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