Prayers post concussion

I am realizing how much of a Pelagian I am; how much of my worth, my self-satisfaction is wrapped up in works and words;
what I do is what I am;
what I say is what I pray.
Which leaves me, post concussion, a little lost at sea; un-anchored; unhinged.
Dazed doesn’t do it for me, and doctor’s orders to take it easy are not easy to follow.
I am trying:
cutting back on meetings, evenings, even a twenty-four hour break
(if you don’t count the emails);
but all so that I can hurry back to the front, in time not to miss the main action.
I am fighting myself, tying myself down trying to protect and preserve my remaining sane brain cells, whilst straining against my own constraints.
This morning, in the spaced-out space between dropping the girl at school and drawing together strength to drive to work,
body and mind equally empty,
an idle thought scudded by, and I watched it lazily:
I should at least be able to pray.
Here’s hoping God saw it, too; understood.

About Rosalind C Hughes

Rosalind C Hughes is a priest and author living near the shores of Lake Erie. After growing up in England and Wales, and living briefly in Singapore, she is now settled in Ohio. She serves an Episcopal church just outside Cleveland. Rosalind is the author of A Family Like Mine: Biblical Stories of Love, Loss, and Longing , and Whom Shall I Fear? Urgent Questions for Christians in an Age of Violence, both from Upper Room Books. She loves the lake, misses the ocean, and is finally coming to terms with snow.
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