I am from…

have you ever done one of these? I was introduced to the “I am from” form at a conference this week.

Honestly, as an adoptee, an immigrant, an exile from my own history I don’t do well with the perennial “where are you from?” questions that go with the accent. Talk to me of roots and I see an uprooted tree, waving helplessly to the gardener, pleading for replanting.

Not that I am unhappy with the soil that sustains me. I am in a good place. No regrets (as someone important once told me).

I am from nobody and nowhere.
I am from a city never seen,
a father never met,
born in regret.

I am from a fairy tale,
a babe in the woods plucked up
with wild mushrooms
in a basket, carried home.

I am from the church porch,
darkening trees dripping rain;
cries rise like prayers,
fall back with the solid air.

I am from the solid air where
the Spirit crowd-surfs all the saints,
lifted by the ancient chants
that makes the high candles dance.

I am from the father invisible,
born of a knitted womb.
I am from the dust to which I will return,
or else I am from nowhere, and from no one.

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Year B Easter 5: abide with me

Abide in me, says Jesus. Abide in me as I abide in you. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish and it will be done for you.

And so we assemble our little list, and we submit our requests to God in the name of Jesus, and we wait.

We wait.

I knew a man, a Christian leader who thought that gambling was a terrible sin. What he didn’t know was that his wife played the lottery. When her ticket came up with just the right amount of money to repair their roof, which was in dire straits, he decided that he must have been wrong after all, and that clearly God’s will was that they trust God to provide for their needs by means of Lotto.

I can’t help but think that to judge God’s will by the outcome of our prayers that way is a pretty dangerous sort of reverse-engineering.

Jesus doesn’t say, abide in me and ask whatever you wish and if you get it right, I’ll grant you three wishes, and if you get it wrong, I’ll turn you into a pumpkin. Prayers are not wishes on a birthday candle and God is not a genie in a lamp.

Abide in me, says Jesus. Abide in me as I abide in you. Love me so closely that our heartbeats sync up. Follow me so nearly that your footsteps trip into mine, that we leave one set of footprints behind. Abide in me, let me words abide in you so that when you speak, you speak with my voice, and together we will do great things.

Because apart from the vine, the branches can do nothing. And without branches, the vine bears no fruit.

Abide in me. Stay with me, work with me here. Seek me out and find me where your need is, find me where you are needed. Let me words abide in you, so that when you speak, you speak with my voice. Sit at table with those outcasts and sinners that your peers reject, find out their stories, seek their souls. Tell the oppressors, the agents of Rome that they have no power, they have no authority to destroy the life that God creates. Tell death that it does not have the final word, but that we will continue to rise up. Speak my words on the streets of Baltimore, in the courtrooms of Cleveland, the classrooms of Euclid, the church everywhere. Abide in me, let my words abide in you.

Abide in me, when the earth falls around you, when the world breaks apart before you, when all else fails you, abide in me, let my words abide in you, so that you may know that I am with you, to the end of the age and beyond, and that whatever you ask of me, I will do for you. Only abide.

Jesus says all of this as he is at the last table he will share with his disciples before his death. Abide with me, stay with me, he says, knowing that they will scatter, knowing that they will fall and fail and hide. Knowing that even so, he will seek them out and find them, that however life and death intervene, he will not fail them, that even when all looks to have been lost, he is already on his way back to restore their hope, renew their resolve, resurrect their faith.

If they were to look at the cross and decide that this was God’s way of answering their prayer, of telling them they had got it wrong all along, following this Jesus down the road that leads only to death, well, then their reverse-engineering of God’s will would have got them nowhere.

Abide in me, says Jesus, as I abide in you, and still, we will rise up. Amen.

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Scarred

Love came upon me like a wound,
got under my skin and stretched me
out until something must give;
drew me in, knit together ragged.

Long acquaintance dulls sensation,
the red seal fades to a silver thread;
the abiding sign of a life all sewn up,
and my imperfect healing.

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on the edge

Smoke obscures the view,
tears blur the vision once
clearly anunciated,
lost in translation.
There is no safe way
that you can
see for yourself.
Will you wait, then,
to find out who’s left
standing when the smoke clears?

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Seasonal allergies

(because it’s not all resurrection and roses)

My body defies resurrection,
denies the rites of spring,
answers the eruption of blossom with
its own eructations of tears.

Defeated, it turns toward the tomb,
rolls the seal across the doorway,
countering life’s opening bid
with fine filters and linen cloths.

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Year B Easter 4: What’s in a name?

Eric Garner. Freddie Gray. Freddie Mercury. Machiavelli. What do these names mean to you?

Try Jerry Falwell. Billy Graham. Denzel Washington. George Washington. John Paul II. John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Mother Theresa. Mary.

Then, of course, there’s Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Peter says, “there is no other name under heaven given among mortals by which we must be saved.”

We are not unfamiliar with the power of names. If we hear someone shout, “Stop!” on the street, without our name, we might wonder who is to stop. If we hear, “Stop! In the name of the Law!” we will stop and make sure they don’t mean us. If we hear “Stop! In the name of love,” we might expect to encounter a flash mob, but that’s another story.

Name recognition wins elections; powerful names beget more power. We startle, involuntarily, when we hear our own names. The use of our full names: first name, middle name, last name, used with deliberation and in order, strikes fear and guilt into our hearts. Many of us were named for others, in hopes that the name would bring us luck or virtue. We know the power in a name.

We read today the sequel to last week’s story in Acts, in which Peter and John heal the man born lame, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Peter has told the people that all power and piety that he might possess is nothing, but the power of the name heals all, forgives all, saves all. After they are arrested as rabble-rousers, he and John repeat their argument, “for there is no other name under heaven given among mortals by which we must be saved.”

Whatever might be done in the name of Caesar, in the name of the High Priest, in the name of the king, in the name of the law; whatever power and authority those names might signify, they pale into insignificance, they fade into silence when the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth is spoken. The boldness of Peter’s claim is wild; this man has just been tried and killed as a criminal. This man, this mortal man, died on a cross. And now you claim the power of healing and forgiveness, you offer God in his name?

We know that names carry power, that the right name wields authority beyond its bearer, that the wrong name closes doors before they are even knocked upon. Did you know that having the right name can buy you an advantage in the job market? Researchers found that identical resumes, in terms of education and experience, were treated differently depending upon the racial and ethnic connotations of the name at the top of the page, even when employers thought they were treating everyone equally.

There are names that enter the social imagination and become more than the men or women for which they stand. Mention Michael Brown, Freddie Gray, Trayvon Martin, and you know the hurt that goes with having to assert over and over again that yes, black lives matter. Washington, Gandhi, Lincoln evoke the pride of nations; Martin Luther King, Jr., and Nelson Mandela the hope for something better than our broken systems of social disorganization.

Of course, context matters. The significance of names can change over time: Hitler still evokes horror, but throw his name into any online debate and the desperation of your position is on display for all to see. His name, once strong and terrible, has become the weakest link in any contemporary argument.

We hear Peter’s words, about Jesus’ name, differently than did his contemporaries, a few short weeks after the crucifixion at the hill of Golgotha. Strange stories about unaccountable deeds and happenings were no mystery to the people of our first century; but Jesus was, because he was nobody, born to nobody, laid in a borrowed tomb, no family mausoleum from which to rise.  This sort of thing might happen to anybody, but not to nobody. Robin Meyers writes, in Saving Jesus from the Church,

There is simply nothing unique about claiming that some notable person had been raised from the dead. What was utterly uncommon and turned human history on its axis was the claim that Jesus had been raised from the dead. It reset all the clocks in the Western world. Easter was God’s ‘yes’ to a peasant revolutionary, and God’s ‘no’ to the Roman Empire.*

It was the story of the Magnificat, the new structure of the kingdom of God, that had come to life. In one way, the resurrection of Jesus Christ was God’s reclaiming from Caesar what should have been rendered unto God.

To them, it was madness; to us, it has become dogma. To them it made no sense because of what they had witnessed. For us, unless we are careful, it is stripped of all meaning by endless repetition, adulation, and the decay and dilution of centuries of use and misuse.

Just as the image of the shepherd, which in the days of King David was the fierce protection of one who would wrestle bears and lions to protect his flock; just as that image of the down and dirty shepherd whom you wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alley after midnight has been cleaned up and dressed in pastel colours for his portrait, so the power of the name of Jesus has divorced from its backstory, retouched and recoloured to the tastes of those who find it useful.

If we are careless, the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth becomes a rabbit’s foot charm or a talisman. If we are foolish, we believe it will be a magic word, an incantation. If we take pride in our own righteouness, it becomes a weapon. If we are sophisticated, or scornful, it has become a joke. And yet martyrs still die with the name of Jesus on their lips.

In our first century, it was an ordinary name, the name given to a boy born out of time to a young woman pregnant too soon and her fortunately faithfully compassionate husband. It was the name by which she called him in to dinner, praised him and scolded him. It was the name that his friends tossed around, that his teachers called upon to see if he had learned his lessons. It was the name bonded to him by blood in the temple on the eighth day, when his mother was warned, “and a sword shall pierce your own soul, also.” It was the name written in contempt above his head as he hung in the noonday sun, dying for the love of God: Jesus of Nazareth, King of the Jews.

Its power was precisely in that it was an ordinary name, like Freddie, or George, or Gina. It was an ordinary name, and its very ordinariness spoke volumes of the love of God for ordinary people, whose power resided not in the empires or the economy of inequality inflicted upon them, but in the equal love of God; ordinary people whose salvation lay not in the hands of saints or of sinners, but in the saving love of a faithful and forgiving God.

Of course, the name of God remains: HaShem, Allah, Adonai, the Almighty; Jesus is the only name given among mortals, says Peter, to carry with it the connotation, the power, the authority of salvation. In the realm beyond our mortal ken, God knows the sheep of every other fold, and will call them each by name. I have no worries on that score.

But the name of Jesus was given to him and has been given to us to remind us that each of us may find resurrection in the power and faithfulness of God in our own, ordinary lives; that each of us is beloved of God, called each by name.

In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, our everyday companion and our Risen Lord. Amen.

*Robin R. Meyers, Saving Jesus from the Church: How to Stop Worshiping Christ and Start Following Jesus (HarperOne, 2009), 91 

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Growing pains

They say you can do anything
you set your mind to; then they ask you
what you want to be when you grow up.
When you answer them,
the thorns begin to show.

I told them I would be a priest;
they said I wasn’t man enough.
I told them teacher, journalist;
they said my skin was way too thin,
that I could not hold the attention of…

I grew into my too-thin skin
while they were looking the other way.
I told them I would be a priest;
my weaknesses became the tender spots
where who I am bleeds through to what I do.

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Year B Easter 3: joy and disbelieving

Did you ever feel as though you came in halfway through the story? I mean, that’s not always a bad thing: in film school, they teach this technique called in media res for opening sequences, meaning start in the middle of the action; grab the audience’s attention, let them become curious about how we got here, what’s this guy’s deal?*

That’s kind of what happens in this morning’s reading from Acts, which opens with Peter telling the temple crowd, “What’s so surprising about what I just did?” without actually explaining what Peter, in fact, just did. So let’s back up a little bit and fill in the prequel.

One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, at three o’clock in the afternoon. And a man lame from birth was being carried in. People would lay him daily at the gate of the temple called the Beautiful Gate so that he could ask for alms from those entering the temple. When he saw Peter and John about to go into the temple, he asked them for alms. Peter looked intently at him, as did John, and said, ‘Look at us.’ And he fixed his attention on them, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, ‘I have no silver or gold, but what I have I give you; in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth,* stand up and walk.’ And he took him by the right hand and raised him up; and immediately his feet and ankles were made strong. Jumping up, he stood and began to walk, and he entered the temple with them, walking and leaping and praising God. All the people saw him walking and praising God, and they recognized him as the one who used to sit and ask for alms at the Beautiful Gate of the temple; and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.

While he clung to Peter and John, all the people ran together to them in the portico called Solomon’s Portico, utterly astonished. When Peter saw it, he addressed the people, ‘You Israelites, why do you wonder at this, or why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we had made him walk?

Which is where we came in: “Why do you stare at us, as though by our own power or piety we had made him walk?”

Then we flashback to that moment in the gospel where the disciples are in their joy still disbelieving and wondering, and Jesus has to choke down some broiled fish to convince them that he is not a ghost.

The disciples are in the same state, when Jesus comes to them after Easter, as these temple-goers are today, as Peter addresses their astonishment and wonder at the raising up of the man unable to stand up for himself. They know the power of God – each of them knows the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob and all of their ancestors. They know the stories of God’s power, but they are astonished and wonder if they are imagining things when they see it manifested before them.

But that is exactly what happened in the person of Jesus, Peter tells them. God’s glory was made manifest in him, in his life, his death, his resurrection; and yes, he might add, we were just as surprised as you are, and just as doubtful and disbelieving, even as we rejoiced. But he was, he is, the real deal. He proved it to us, as he is proving it now to you.

Because, Peter goes on to say, it is not by our own power or piety that we lifted this man up, who was previously unable to stand up for himself, but by the power in the name of Jesus of Nazareth.

Peter knows that left to his own devices, despite his best intentions, he was overwhelmed by fear, circumstance, and status into denying Jesus when he was at death’s door. He knows that had Jesus not returned to him, speaking words of peace, and reassurance, that he would have remained hidden behind locked doors for as long as it took for time to run out on him, for life to run out.

Peter knows that it is only by the power of the new life that Jesus brought along with his resurrected body – the breath of the Holy Spirit, the renewal of the power of prophesy and the knowledge of the love of God – only by this power, and not by his own piety, does Peter have the wherewithal to lift up the man unable to stand by himself.

And he offers his fellow Israelites, the chosen people of God, the same power; even those who out of jealousy, shame, and sin went even further than he did in denying the life of God in Jesus, when Jesus was at death’s door. Peter, who has heard the word of peace offered by the risen Christ, known his forgiveness and healing reconciliation, offers the same to the rest of the people of God, inviting them to join in the deeds of power made possible by the Holy Spirit.

Likewise we are not to be restricted by our own sense of shame, inadequacy, failure or betrayal, even when we doubt the difference we can make; because it is not by our own power and piety that we are invited to reach out our right hands to lift up those hindered from standing up for themselves, but by the power of the anointing of the Holy Spirit, given to us at baptism; by the power of the resurrection, lifting up life over death; by the power of God, whose glory has been revealed to us in the Risen Christ, and once seen, can never be forgotten; is seen even in the scriptures that preceded him; which has been known to us since the beginning of time, if only we had eyes to see and ears to hear.

Peter does three things, when he meets this man at the Beautiful Gate. He looks him in the eye, intently, seeing in him the divine image, the spark of the Holy Spirit deep within his body and soul. He takes him by the right hand, holding him like a brother. He offers him the name in which our healing is given: healing from sin, from sorrow, from shame and exile.

Do not be astonished at what can be accomplished by the Spirit of God, working in the name of Jesus of Nazareth, through the everyday encounters of those we meet along the way. Only wonder when that power will manifest itself in one whose eyes you meet, and greet the divine image in another; one whose hand you reach for, to lift up those hindered from standing up for themselves; and when you see it, give thanks to the living God, leaping and praising God for all to see and wonder.

In the name of Jesus, the Risen Christ. Amen.

* I’ve never been to film school, but someone told me this was true.

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There’s a Woman in the Pulpit

Disclosure: I have a horse in this race, aka a bug in this bed. My own contribution, “Blessed Bedbugs,” infests the of the book entitled, “They Don’t Teach That in Seminary.” Yep. True story.

“She said she wanted the whole family to take Communion together before she dies,” said Dad. “She must have been rambling.”

She wasn’t rambling. I remembered how she wept when I served her the wine for the first time. My mother died that summer, while I was deciding to apply for ordination in the Episcopal Church, across the ocean from my parental home. So of course, when I read Patricia J. Raube’s essay, “Couldn’t You Wait Until I’m Dead?” about her own journey to ordination and her own mother, I wept.

One of the remarkable things about this collection of essays, stories, poetry and prayers, curated and edited by Martha Spong, is the way that it reaches out into eternity and telescopes it down into the splash from the keel of a newly-launched ship hitting the Clyde; the waters of baptism, sufficient whether all-encompassing or delivered from a pipette onto a newborn baby’s brow; the grain of salt left in the corner of an eye after the unspilt tears dry out.

Then out again into the blue, via the plains, the mountains, the oceans.

If Raube reminded me of my mother, then Sharon M. Temple’s story of picking girls up off the church steps and driving them to get their first tattoos reminded me of my own daughters. Elizabeth Evans Hagan and her “Moses Basket” reminded me of the child I never met. Robin Craig, “Preaching Ahead of [Her]self” reminded me of myself, and the struggle to preach a gospel which has not always manifested itself without dirt or ambiguity in my own life; preaching the hope anyway, because what else are we called to do?

There is much hope in this book. There is so much to relate to and to remember. This is a book for women who are pastors, who are mothers, who are sisters, who are daughters, who are human. Of course, it is not only for women. It is for anyone who finds glimpses of God in stories shared of faith, struggle, our love, our lives.

I would recommend it as a gift, but don’t keep it till her ordination. Give it to her before she sets foot inside the seminary. Give it to her the first time she says, “I’ve been thinking…”

I am blessed to be a part of this RevGalBlogPals circle. I am blessed to find myself in such humbling and holy company as in this book. I am blessed to be a woman in a pulpit.

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Damien and Marianne of Molokai (and Robert Louis Stevenson of Scotland)

One of the things I love about preaching Evensong at Trinity Cathedral in Cleveland is that I always learn something from the saints we celebrate from our book of occasional commemorations, Holy Women, Holy Men. But Damien and Marianne of Molokai came with an extra treat: an open letter by Robert Louis Stevenson, whom I have loved since childhood, and who wrote my homily for me. You can read his whole letter here.

Very briefly, a background. Molokai is an island of Hawaii with a peninsula surrounded on three sides by sea, and on the other separated from the bulk of the island by steep cliffs. In the second half of the nineteenth century, it seemed the perfect place to isolate those suffering from leprosy, since the disease was running riot and quarantine seemed the only solution to stop its progress. After seven years of pitiful conditions, the colonists received assistance and comfort in the person of one young Belgian priest, Damien, come to do what he could to lift their spirits, bind up their broken hearts, bandage their wounds, and build them a church. Later, Marianne and other Sisters of St Francis came, and added their care and labour to the colony, paying special attention to the children orphaned or isolated by the illness. Damien died of leprosy after sixteen years, with Marianne at his bedside; she survived disease-free, dying in peace at the age of 80.

One of the problems of plague is how society determines who is deserving and who undeserving of its punishment. We have seen it time and again, since the earliest accounts (with which we are familiar); the Egyptians are decimated while the chosen people of God escape unharmed across the Red Sea. There is a narrative of judgement and redemption that runs through our relationship with illness and disease: watch the movie Philapdelphia; remember last year’s uncomfortable treatment of Ebola volunteers and sufferers coming home.

There is a narrative of judgement that frames our fear of disease, and especially of those contracted between persons, passed between lovers, mother and child, strangers seated together in a sealed metal tube flying through the night; the ones that tell the story of where we have been, what we have done, whom we have embraced.

So it is decided that Marianne, that brave and selfless lover of souls, was preserved from contracting leprosy, or Hansen’s disease as we have come to know it, because of her virtue and God’s grace. But then what of the islanders she served? Were they all less virtuous than she? Or less useful, or less favoured by God? And what about Damien, the priest she came to help and relieve of his duties as he succumbed himself to the dread disease?

Perhaps the letter of Charles McEwen Hyde would have disappeared into the oblivion of history, had he not received an acerbic rebuttal from none other than Robert Louis Stevenson, the author of such bestselling books as Treasure Island, Kidnapped, and, yes, The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. (I checked the dates. Stevenson had written Jekyll and Hyde before he ever set foot in Hawaii; his character’s name was a happy coincidence, nothing more.)

But Stevenson quotes Hyde’s letter in his own:

… About Father Damien, I can only reply that we who knew the man are surprised at the extravagant newspaper laudations, as if he was a most saintly philanthropist. The simple truth is, he was a coarse, dirty man, headstrong and bigoted. He was not sent to Molokai, but went there without orders; did not stay at the leper settlement (before he became one himself), but circulated freely over the whole island … He had no hand in the reforms and improvements inaugurated, which were the works of our Board of Health, as occasion required and means were provided. He was not a pure man in his relations with women, and the leprosy of which he died should be attributed to his vices and carelessness. Others have done much for the lepers, our own ministers, the government physicians, and so forth, but never with the Catholic idea of meriting eternal life. – Yours, etc., ‘C. M. HYDE

Stevenson had himself spent an 8-day week spent at the leper colony, where he must have met Marianne; he quotes others who knew Damien with all of his faults, and has no quarrel with the description of a coarse, dirty, headstrong and bigoted man. He doesn’t describe a shining saint but a man with “slovenly ways and false ideas of hygiene.” He called Damien,

“a man of the peasant class, certainly of the peasant type: shrewd, ignorant and bigoted, yet with an open mind…; superbly generous in the least thing as well as in the greatest, and as ready to give his last shirt (although not without human grumbling) as he had been to sacrifice his life; essentially indiscreet and officious, which made him a troublesome colleague; domineering … but yet destitute of real authority, so that his boys laughed at him and he must carry out his wishes by the means of bribes.”

At last, Stevenson addressed the accusation that Damien was impure in his relations with the women of the settlement. He had not heard it even as gossip on the island itself, but he admitted,

This scandal, when I read it in your letter, was not new to me. I had heard it once before; and I must tell you how. There came to Samoa a man from Honolulu; he, in a public-house on the beach, volunteered the statement that Damien had ‘contracted the disease from having connection with the female lepers’; and I find a joy in telling you how the report was welcomed in a public-house. A man sprang to his feet; I am not at liberty to give his name, but from what I heard I doubt if you would care to have him to dinner in Beretania Street. ‘You miserable little – ‘(here is a word I dare not print, it would so shock your ears) – ‘You miserable little -,’ he cried, ‘if the story were a thousand times true, can’t you see you are a million times a lower – for daring to repeat it?

Stevenson argued with Hyde in an open letter not because he needed a clean and sanitized picture of Damien the saint to be published; surely it was not his grace and virtue that polished his halo, unlike the unblemished Marianne. Rather, it was the character of those who would sit in judgement of one who gave his life for the love of the God he served and the people God had made that made Stevenson mad. It was the blissful criticism of one who lived a life of privilege and power, the healthy and wealthy who had never seen the houses of the lepers, sat with their families, set foot the inside of the church they had built for themselves. It was the willful projection of the sins of inequality, of oppression, on to the souls of the oppressed that stuck in Stevenson’s craw.

We all do it. The real miracle of Damien’ and Marianne’s service (and of R L Stevenson’s) was that they were able to resist that temptation to divide our brothers and sisters into the deserving and the undeserving, to use the sin of others as our justification. Marianne, Damien, and Robert were rare precisely in their ability to embrace the lepers as their equals in health, grace, and humanity, without spiritual, mental, or physical reservation.

“When John heard what the Messiah was doing, he sent word and said to him, ‘Are you the one who is to come, or are we to wait for another?’ Jesus answered, ‘Go and tell John what you hear and see:”

that the blind see beauty, the lame leap for joy, the deaf are sung lullabies, the lepers are loved, a dead faith finds new life and poor souls have good news brought to them.

“’And blessed is anyone who takes no offence at me.’”

Or, since I feel as though Robert Louis really is preaching for me tonight,

“The man who tried to do what Damien did, is my father, and the father of the man in the [Apia] bar, and the father of all who love goodness; and he was your father too, if God had given you grace to see it.”

Blessed is anyone who takes no offence at the expansive and indiscriminate embrace of God’s grace. Amen.

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